Change of seasons
by xo-RozaBelikova-ox
Summary: Rose Hathaway's life was never easy. She'd been through her share of ups and downs, but right now life seems to be kind. She's happy and getting past what happened in the last few years, until one day at the supermarket turns her life upside down again. Life's a struggle when all you do is negotiate obstacles from your past - at least Rose won't be alone or will she? AU AH HEA RxD
1. Chapter 1

**Change of seasons**

 **I know it's still a while until Christmas, but since the supermarkets are already selling Christmas stuff, I think I can update this now as well ;)**

 **I hope you enjoy this. It's my first try to update something in English so please be kind :)**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own vampire academy, just the plot**

 **Now enjoy and please review**

 **~ xo-RozaBelikova-ox ~**

 **Chapter 1: Surprising supermarket encounters**

I turned my head and there I saw him. Standing in the isle where I needed to go next to get bread. The man I once sworn to love, but never really loved with all my heart.

Although I had always hoped for him to become the love of my life, he never could have been. And now I know that I could've never loved him as much as he had loved me.

In this moment he tilted his head up and looked me right in the eyes. A small hesitant smile grew on his face. I was unsure what to do, but I couldn't run away when Jesse started to approach me.

I reminded myself that it was Christmas time and I should be nice to him after all. I shifted a little uneasy in my winter coat and closed it around me, while crossing my arms in front of my body.

"Hay," he said hesitantly, as if unsure if it was okay to talk to me.

In all honestyhonesty, I couldn't even answer this question to myself... I feel like all the feelings I once held for this man have been ambushed and washed away a long time ago.

There is nothing I feel for him now, nothing, not even a real liking, besides knowing him for some years now. I just start to feel annoyed by his mere presence and the way he always cracks his knuckles, the way he is doing it right now.

I feel nothing but anger towards him, or so I thought.

"How are you?" he said, taking me out of my train of thoughts.

I hesitated for a moment, unsure of what to tell him. It wasn't any of his business anymore, so should I tell him what was really going on, or just that I'm good?

"I'm fine," was all I said. "What about you?" I asked, even though I didn't really wanted to know, but I guess that is just how small talk works; talking about easy topics, asking questions you don't even want to know the answers to.

"The past two years haven't been easy..." he looked so worn out that I couldn't stop my mouth and heard myself ask the next question. "Is it that bad? What's wrong?"

He looked ashamed and hopeful at the same time.

"At work things are pretty rough since you've left, and I feel so guilty for everything that I've put you through. The way I treated you, this hot and cold behavior, the on and offs I've put you through... And then... When I asked you if you wanted to meet up again all these month ago, I hoped we might could start seeing each other again... start all over, a reset for our relationship. I know it could've been something big, something good and that I wasted it, threw it away for nothing. If I've known all this then, I would've decided different and maybe feel better now and actually be happy."

For a moment we both looked at each other. Suddenly Jesse's smile grew wider and I saw some hope raise on his face as he continued rambling and I feared his next words.

But I was too surprised and caught off guard to start talking and try to stop him. So he continued and I dreaded what came next.

"And... I don't know, but maybe... I mean, I don't want to be rude, but maybe we can do it now? Start all over? I mean, the fact that we meet here at this supermarket, at this time of the year, after all this time, it has to mean something... Maybe the universe is showing us that we owe it to each other to give our relationship another try... Just if you want to, of course. After everything I've done to you I know I needed to accept every decision you make... "

He lets his last words trail off. I was too shocked to say anything and Jesse just stared at me expectantly.

When I caught myself again and wanted to open my mouth, I wasn't capable of saying much. I let my arms fall to my side and started to talk," Jesse, I-" That's when Dimitri came to stand behind Jesse and looked a pair of baby shoes in his hands.

"Roza, look what I've found. I know it's still a while since our baby will be born, but they are just so cute and I promised Mama to-" Dimitri stopped midsentence when he pulled his head up and saw the look on my face and the man standing in front of me.

"Is everything alright honey?" he asked and with he look at Jesse he added, "And you are...?"

Jesse seemed to register me completely just now, as Dimitri put his arm around me, and as Jesse looked down at my slightly swollen bump, but then he looked up and met the face of the irritated, tall Russian standing there and hugging me from behind.

"This is Jesse, an old friend of mine, honey." I turned my gaze to Jesse again, just in time to see him close his mouth, which had stood wide open, then he looked up at me and I saw the hurt mixed with anger in his eyes as I spoke my next words and Dimitri rested his arms around me to place his hands on my baby bump.

"Jesse, this is Dimitri... my boyfriend..." Jesse's disappointed look hurt me, even though I never thought I could feel sorry for him after everything that had happened between us all these years ago.

Dimitri stretched out his hand for Jesse to shake it, who took his hand and tried to look everywhere but at me, my baby bump of Dimitri's other hand still resting on it.

Now I felt sorry for him and blaming me and my happiness for it, something I've never thought I would feel again, after everything that had happened in the past. But it seems like even after all this time, this man can still make me feel responsible for anything that happens to him.

Jesse turned his head to look at us again and I could see hatred fill his eyes and an old well known frown formed on his face. This definitely brought back memories, but no pleasent ones for sure.

If looks could kill, we would be drop dead by the looks Jesse gave us. _Oh my, this is going to be an interesting Christmas time this year, with Jesse being back and me being happy with someone else..._


	2. Chapter 2

**Here is chapter 2 :)**

 **I hope you guys like it, so enjoy and please review :)**

 **~ xo-RozaBelikova-ox ~**

 **Chapter 2: Going back in time**

It had been over a week since I had been at the local supermarket with Dimitri and we had met Jesse.

Jesse... With him being back in town, my memories came back as well... and not just the good ones, but the bad ones.

I still hadn't told Dimitri what was really up with me and Jesse. He knew I was lying to him when I told him that Jesse was just a friend I used to know, but he hadn't pushed me further.

That only made me feel worse. Not just for lying to my husband, but he hadn't pushed me further.

That only made me feel worse. Not just the fact that I lied to my husband, but also because I felt unworthy of having such a loving husband who always supported me with all he had, no matter how crazy my ideas had been.

All the pregnancy hormones didn't make it any better. It all became worse over the time, not just the guilty feeling over lying to Dimitri about who Jesse was, but also the nightmares that came back after that surprising supermarket encounter with Jesse, became worse with every day that passed by.

It had nearly been 3 years ago, that I'd met Jesse. At first he seemed to be a nice guy, with just a little bad side to him. But at that time I never could have imagined that this bad side would take over so soon.

 _Flashback_

 _"Hay, Rose," my best friend Lisa pulled me aside as we're walking down the hallways of the local college. "What is it, Liss?" I asked her, confused by the faraway look on her face. I quickly followed her gaze to see two guys standing further down the hallway and I suddenly understood what was making her pull me aside so abrupt._

 _One was a tall, raven black haired guy, his pierce blue eyes were locked with Lisa's green ones. But he wasn't what got my eyes stare unwillingly. It was the other guy, standing with his back towards us. He was tall as well, but had blond hair._

 _Although I had just seen his back so far, I was slightly attracted to the way he stood there and the little dark, dangerous aura he seems to have._

 _As he noticed that his friend, who still had his eyes locked with Lissa, wasn't paying attention to him, he looked behind and straight into my eyes._

 _And that was it. His eyes pierced into mine and a small smirk played around his lips as he took in my body. Without shame he looked me up and down completely. Seemingly approving of what he saw, he took hishis friend's arm and came over to us. His eyes showing a little dangerous glint._

 _End flashback_

That was when we'd met Jesse and Lissa's boyfriend Christian. We'd spend the weekend visiting the local college to decide where to study after we gratuated.

Thinking back now, I should have noticed all the signs that already warned me like neon lights. But I haven't. And that had been the worse thing to happen to me in my entire life.

And now the eyes that had made me feel attracted to him made me feel weak, dirty and unworthy of loving someone. Just the memory of hiy eyes looking down at me with such hatred made a shiver of fear take over my body.

Every time my mind wandered back to this time where I had felt my weakest, where I had felt like being his whore instead of being his girlfriend, the time when he had done a lot of shady things, I always try to shut these thoughts out. It was all in the past, or at least that's what I tried to make myself believe.

The truth is that I might have gotten stronger and more self-confident, all of that just because of Dimitri, but I wasn't finished getting over the past. I met Dimitri almost a year ago. I know, it's very short for being mamarried already with a baby on the way.

Even though our baby hadn't been planned, it doesn't mean it hadn't been loved from the very beginning of its life.

I had met Dimitri at work, he had kind of been my boss, that's why we first had been a little hesitant about our feelings for each other, but they had developed so fast and after an encounter at a drunken Christmas party, we hadn't wanted to fight our feelings anymore.

 _Flashback_

 _The elevator doors opened and I was glad no one was in it. The last weekend had been our work's Christmas party and there'd been alcohol, a lot of alcohol. I shouldn't had been surprised, since most of our staff was from Russian decency and my department's boss was an image of a Russian God._

 _Not just his physiques, he was tall, like six foot six or six foot seven tall, he had shoulder length brown hair and the most gorgeous brown eyes I had ever seen. But he was also a stereotypical Russian when it came to drinking._

 _Shortly after the party had begun, he and some other guys had opened the fir bottle of vodka that had been killed this night._

 _So now I was doing the walk of shame after all the events at this party. Seemingly it hadn't been bad enough that I'd started doing karaoke with some of my co-workers when I was drunk, no, to top all of this I had finally acted on my feelings for Dimitri, my boss._

 _We had been flirting a little over the last few month, but all just innocent work flirting. I knew that on my side the feelings had been a little stronger than just flirting, when I got seriously jealous when Tasha, another secretary here, had started flirting with him and touched him at every chance she got, so desperately showing how much she was smitten by him._

 _Somehow I got so jealous at the side of her clinging to him, that at the party, I took the chance and kissed him when we'd both been in the kitchen. He was surprised, that's for sure, but to my surprise he hadn't pushed me away and kissed me back. So we'd been making out heavily until some other guys walked in to the kitchenkitchen and we backed off, staring at each other for a brief moment before I fled out into the crowd of my drunken colleagues._

 _I had been so shocked by what had happened that I drank another shot of whiskey and left to go home. My head had been spinning the whole way home._

 _Now at Monday, I was back at work, but I was praying to God that I don't have to see HIM the first thing in the morning. Luck seemed to be on my side until the elevator doors opened again and standing in front of me was the man himself._

 _With no words he stepped in as well, still focusing on his phone in his hands. My mind started spinning again, I was not just ashamed of forcing myself on him that night and taking advantage of his drunken state of mind, because let's be honest, there would be no other explanation why he would have kissed me back in the first place if he hadn't been as drunk as I had been, but I was also ashamed of what he must be thinking about me after my little stunt._

 _Suddenly he pushed the alarm button and the elevator stopped immediately._

 _Without turning his head he said, "I think we should talk..."_

 _End flashback_

From that moment on we had been openly in love and almost 8 month after that, I had found out I was pregnant. Shortly after, Dimitri had proposed to me, because he is just that guy that wants to do the right thing.

In the beginning I had been hesitant towards this marriage. I didn't wanted to make him feel trapped just because we hadn't beenbeen careful enough. He had had a hard time convincing me that he really wanted to marry me and wasn't just doing it because of the baby. I can't count all the times he had told me that me being pregnant had just rushed the envelopment of our relationship and that he had known that he wanted to marry me pretty early in our romance.

Right now I thought that life wanted to take all the good things I had from me, as if it wanted to punish me for daring to be happy.

Jesse hadn't made his move for now, but just the memories I had, several ones of him hauling over me and myself lying on the floor, backing away from him, frightened of him and what he had been capable of doing to me... These memories were enough to make me lose my mind.

I don't like to think back to this time of my life. I had been weak and blinded by my love, or what I had thought love was at this time.

I had just discovered what love, real and honest love was, when I had met Dimitri and he showed me how to heal and taught me how to love and trust. He had been my knight in shining armor, picking up all the shattered pieces of my broken self and showing me how to put them back together with his help all the way.

I was on my way to meet Dimitri for another pregnancy checkup and was completely lost in my thoughts when I rounded the corner and came to an abrupt stop. My eyes locked with the eyes in front of me. They were the eyes of my nightmare and then the person who these eyes belonged to started to smile devilishly.

"Hay Rose, nice to meet you again... Alone this time."


	3. Chapter 3

**Here is chapter 3** **:)**

 **Thank you guys for all the reviews, they really make me continue writing my stories.**

 **Sorry for not updating any sooner, but life is as busy as always.**

 **Now enjoy the next chapter and tell me what you're thinking.**

 **~ xo-RozaBelikova-ox ~**

 _I was on my way to meet Dimitri for another pregnancy checkup and was completely lost in my thoughts when I rounded the corner and came to an abrupt stop. My eyes locked with the eyes in front of me. They were the eyes of my nightmares and then the person who these eyes belonged to started to smile devilishly._

 _"_ _Hay Rose, nice to meet you again…. Alone this time."_

 **Chapter 3: All my fears**

I immediately felt the fear rise inside of me again. This smile could still make my blood run ice cold.

 _This can't be happening,_ was all I could think. My body froze and I couldn't move or say anything for the life of me.

My face had to be showing my fear because the next thing he said made me want to vomit and not from the pregnancy this time.

"Nice to see you still know how to behave." His look wandered from my face to my stomach and his eyes turned pissed off. This disgusted look in his eyes was too familiar.

"I see you couldn't keep your legs crossed for very long. What can I say, I always knew what kind of a little whore you've been."

He was the one to talk. I knew that he had had several affairs during our brief relationship, but back then I had been too scared to speak up.

One time, when I dared to confront him where he had been and who had been with him, he hit me pretty hard and I nearly lost consciousness, but he stopped just before that could happen. It had taken weeks for my bruises to heal. After that I had never dared to ask him something like that again.

"So, where is the father of this little bastard you're carrying? Do you even know whose it is? Or do you just use the poor dumb guy from the supermarket to trick him into paying your bills? If you ask me, you should have had an abortion. Maybe I'll have to take care of that, because this bastard of yours is going to be a good for nothing, a waste of space, just like his moth-"

That had been the moment I snapped. I could handle him being an ass to _me,_ but speaking about my child in that way, was something I couldn't let him go through with.

Him threatening my child brought me out of my shock and I hit him right in the face. His eyes turned murderous, but before one of us could comprehend what had happened, I heard someone's steps behind him.

I looked up to see Dimitri walking towards us.

Just when Jesse wanted to beat me up for hitting him, he turned around, alerted by Dimitri's voice.

"Roza, here you are. I've been worried. You were supposed to meet me 15 minutes ago." He came to my side and kissed my temples.

Jesse seemed like he wanted to kill me on the spot, but stopped before Dimitri could see his hatred looks. He looked calm and friendly when Dimitri held out his hand to greet him.

"You're Jesse, right? We've met you last week, haven't we?" Dimitri asked and you could be mistaken to think he was oblivious to the tensed air between us. But I could see right through that. He knew that something was off that I apparently haven't told him the truth about Jesse after meeting him.

"Yes, nice to meet you again. I just met Rose here again and I had to talk to her, sorry for making her late." Jesse said, giving me a pointed look.

I could hear the underlying threat in his voice and see it in his eyes. The warning not to say something wrong. I just looked away. Dimitri took my hand and I could feel how I started to be more myself again. I felt the strength I had come back and I visibly relaxed a little bit. His touch always made me feel this way.

Jesse saw me relaxing and that made him stiff, seeing me getting more confident again, but he couldn't do anything with Dimitri here, not now. It was quiet for some awkward moments until Jesse started talking again.

"Okay guys, I have to go, I have an appointment with another old friend of mine. It was good seeing you again, we should repeat it." With the last part he looked my way to make sure I understood the message. "Dimitri, it was a pleasure. Rose… Look after you."

With one last devilish smile and a disgusted look at my baby bump, he turned away and went his way.

"Rose?" Dimitri asked, making me feel nervous. He only calls me Rose when he wants to talk about something serious and is unsure how I will take it.

I looked at him, trying to seem confused, as if I wouldn't know where his train of thoughts was going.

"Talk to me." These three words sounded desperate and worried. "I know you haven't been telling me the truth. What is really going on with you and that Jesse guy?"

I had to think of an answer, fast, really fast, because I couldn't fill Dimitri in on my past with Jesse. But I don't like lying to him either.

"Please Roza. I know something is off, you're having nightmares again." I was stunned, I didn't knew he had noticed me waking in the middle of the night. I always tried not to wake him up and had been getting better with the whole morning sickness thing, but apparently he still had noticed.

"You have to talk to me. These nightmares seem to be as bad as they had been when we've met and back then I have been able to help you… Roza if something is bothering you again you have to let me help you."

I was on the verge of crying. Ashamed I looked away and said "It's nothing Dimitri, nothing I have to bother you with." Just as I wanted to go to our appointment, Dimitri took my arm to stop me, stepped a little closer and took my face with both his hands. "Roza, there is nothing you can't confide me in. Everything that concerns you, also concerns me. I'm always there for you." He took my hand in his and strokes over my wedding band. "For better and for worse, remember?"

I felt some tars escaping my eyes and got on my tip toes to kiss him. He responded immediately and when I got my on my feet I looked him in the eye.

"I'm okay, really. I got you and our child and that is all I really need. Now come on or we'll miss the checkup." Taking his hand in mine we started walking.

As we we're about to enter the doctors room, Dimitri stopped me again for a second.

"Roza, I know you are lying to me about being okay, but that's alright. I won't push you any further. Just know that whatever it is, you can always come to talk to me. I love you and always will. You make me so happy every day and I can't wait to see our child for the first time."

With that he kissed me again and we went to see he doctor.


	4. Chapter 4

Roza, I know you are lying to me about being okay, but that's alright. I won't push you any further. Just know that whatever it is, you can always come to talk to me. I love you and always will. You make me so happy every day and I can't wait to see our child for the first time."

With that he kissed me again and we went to see the doctor.

Chapter 4: Suspicions

His words made me feel better and worse at the same time.

Better because I know that I will always have his love for me and that I apparently make him as happy as he makes me.

Worse because I still lied to him about my past with Jesse.

But I couldn't tell him. It was the darkest part of my past and I don't want him to see me in a different way because he pities me for what Jesse had done to me.

And to be honest I'm afraid that he might be disgusted by me after hearing everything about it and then he will be leaving me. I know that it's an irrational feeling but this fear is there and it's strong.

I know that Dimitri loves me and that he'd be there for me, the way he had already proven in the past, but I was scared none the less. Even after all this time the insecurity Jesse had taught me was still somewhere inside me and he brought it out by coming back here.

I usually am tough on the outside, but Jesse somehow brings out the worse in me. I still often think about the events that made me so un-Rose-like, so weak, that had made me stop fighting back.

When the checkup was over, Dimitri drove us home without saying much. He was still angry with me for obviously lying to him about Jesse, but he tried his best to hide it.

But I could see right through his mask. Behind it I could the anger, hurt and disappointment.

What made all of this even worse, was knowing that most of it wasn't directed towards me. He was hurt by my silence because it showed that I obviously didn't trust him enough to let him in on my secret, but stronger than his hurt was the hatred towards the person who had put me in this position in the first place.

Although he didn't know much, he knows it had something to do with my previous relationship and that my ex had been responsible for making me feel the way I do.

The most prominent feeling though, was the disappointment. He was disappointed by himself that he seems to fail to make me feel save and loved enough to trust him.

Without another word he parked in front of our apartment complex and walked over to my side to open the door for me. That is typical for him. Even though he is angry with me, he still takes care of me.

"Thank you comrade..." I said, holding his arm so he can't turn away from me. "I really don't know what I have done to deserve a guy like you. I love you."

Dimitri's face softened and he leaned down to kiss me, one of his hands in my neck, playing with my hair, the other resting on my baby bump. "I love you too Roza."

Hand in hand we walked towards the elevator and got up to our apartment.

When Dimitri had opened the door I got straight into the bathroom, the baby really made me have to pee every two minutes, especially after drinking orange juice… and I had had a lot of orange juice at lunch.

Entering the living room, I hung up my jacket and sat down on the couch. In the kitchen I heard Dimitri, apparently preparing dinner. I pulled out my phone and checked for messages.

3 unread messages

First message was my father.

/Hello Kiz, how are my only daughter and my grandchild? How was your checkup? See you and Dimitri at Friday dinner –A.

I responded shortly.

\Hi old man. We are fine, just hungry. Checkup was good, tell you more on Friday. Greet Mom. xo –R.

The other two were from Hans Croft, my new boss.

Since Dimitri and I made our relationship public, I switched teams, so there wouldn't be any conflict of interest.

/Good evening Mrs. Belikov, please find the new project file attached in the email you received.

/We need you to know the main details 'til tomorrow 8 o'clock, we'll have a meeting and I want you to present it to the investors.

That's typical Hans. Having a meeting the next day and sending me the information an evening before said meeting.

I just read the mail and didn't respond at all.

Leaning back on the couch I must have drifted off to sleep because the next thing I knew was Dimitri gentle waking me up and leading me to the dinner table.

We sat at the table having dinner while enjoying the comfortable silence. Dimitri was one of the few people I totally felt comfortable around being silent.

After we finished eating, we both took care of the dishes and went to our bedroom. As we got ready to go to bed I felt that Dimitri wanted to say something about today's events. But he didn't say anything until we laid in bed wrapped around each other.

He was moving his hands over my arms and sending shivers down my skin. I kissed his topless chest and after a few more seconds he still hadn't said anything.

With a sigh I looked him in the eyes.

"Comrade…? What do have to say?" but he still didn't answer.

"What's going on? What's wrong with you?" That made him start talking.

"That's what I want to know from you. What's wrong? And don't tell me there's nothing going on, I know something is bothering you."

The look in his eyes made me want to cry.

I saw the worry on his face and started crying. After my sobs calmed down as Dimitri hold me in his arms, stroking me gently, I hesitantly started talking.

And in no time I was telling him everything...


	5. Chapter 5

**_Thank you guys for all your amazing reviews._**

 ** _You motivated me so much, I had to finish the next chapter and unload it so you guys can read it._**

 ** _Hope you like it and it hopefully makes up a little bit for my long time of absence._**

 ** _Read and review, thanks :)_**

 ** _~ xo-RozaBelikova-ox ~_**

 **Chapter 5: Ashamed past**

 _And in no time I was telling him everything..._

Well, not everything, but a huge part of what had happened with my ex in the past, not revealing Jesse as this ex though.

I started talking while Dimitri never interrupted me, although he clenched his fists in order to restrain himself from jumping up and hitting something… or someone.

"Before I start telling you what happened, I need you to promise me not to interrupt me. Please, just let me finish and then you can say what you have to say."

I gave him a pleading look.

"Promise. Roza, just please tell me what happened, I really want to help you with this, whatever it is. I can't stand to see you like this, so unlike yourself."

 _How wrong he was…_ I thought to myself. _There was a time when this behavior was my normal self. Introverted and afraid to say something wrong. To say something that made me deserve to be punished._

He kissed my hand which was intertwined with his and I started telling him the story about the lowest time of my past.

"Just before we've met, I came out of a very toxic relationship."

Dimitri's eyebrows narrowed at that revelation. While he already knew that I've been through something terrible right before we've met, I've never told him about my relationship with Jesse or that that's the reason why neither my parents or the rest of my family and friends have been at or wedding. And Dimitri being the nice, caring guy he is, never pushed me to reveal something so traumatic, but instead helped me to get over it, without knowing what _it_ was.

"I've met him in college. He always seemed to have a bad side, but I never could have imagined that it would have turned out the way it had. It all started out with a little jealousy. Whenever I talked to my male friends or went out without him, he wanted me to stay home with him instead. But I was never one to let him dictate my life so I just continued meeting my friends. That was until he figured out that he couldn't get me to ' _behave_ ' by just trying to threaten me… So he went on to the next level and started hurting my friends. The people I loved and cared for. He got me to do what he wanted by hurting the ones closest to me. He made me feel that I was wrong to feel pretty, or being wrong by standing up for myself and believing in me, being wrong for feeling like being worthy."

I took a moment to take a deep, clearing breath and continued talking.

"But I never saw it that way. I was too blind to see what a person he really was. So I stopped hanging out with my friends and instead worked harder on my studies. He was being very possessive of me and never got tired of making me feel worthless or ugly, so I wouldn't think of trying to find someone else. One night I woke up with him hovering over me, kissing me and forcing himself on me…"

A tear started falling down my cheek. Dimitri gently wiped it away with his hands, while trying to comfort me. With a shaky breath I continued talking, even though my voice broke from time to time.

"I made myself believe that it was just an accident, that he didn't mean to push me, that it was just because of his drunken state of his. He was just too intoxicated by the whole alcohol he had that night, that he didn't catch my discomfort and that he would never willingly do that to me. The next morning he apologized profusely and it seemed like I was right. He took in my disheveled look and apologized again. And still, even though it happened again from time to time, I never questioned him or his love. I even started doubting _myself."_

A humorless laugh escaped my mouth at this silly and embarrassing thought. I got away from Dimitri a little bit as I continued, to ashamed to be in his hold while retelling my ashamed past.

"I mean, what sorry excuse of a girlfriend did I have to be to make him feel the need to get drunk and then claim me as his. Obviously I wasn't good enough or worthy enough of his love. He broke me by hurting others and making me believe it was all my fault. I even willingly started working at the same job as he did, just so he wouldn't have to worry about me talking to some male co-workers without him."

After several moments of silence I started talking again, dreading the next words.

"It even got worse after that. One day I remember speaking to my mom on the phone, making plans for me to visit them and my friends for a week. He must have overheard the conversation, because when he found me packing my bags the next evening, he beat me up for the first time."

Dimitri, who was still lying next to me, tensed as I got to this part of the story, but still he was silent.

"And even after that I still stayed with him. I even canceled my plans to go back home. The next day I called them to tell I had to stay here and work, just so he won't have to be jealous and of course so they couldn't see me so beaten up. I was so ashamed that I had enraged him enough to deserve his beatings."

Trying to calm myself I stroke my bump and tried not to start crying again while reliving this terrible time.

"Even worse was that it still took me several month and several times of being beaten up to see that I was stuck in an unhealthy, toxic relationship. Realization dawned on me when I woke up in a hospital bed several days after he'd beaten up again. That was when I started seeing that I had to get out of there if I wanted to survive. When I was released I packed my bags and left when he was still at work. It still took me some more time to realize that he treated me like his whore instead of a girlfriend he loved."

Shifting uncomfortable I finished my story.

"Because he had forced me to stay away from my friends and family, I had no one left and just moved here with next to nothing and was very lucky to get this job at your office. That's when I moved into this small apartment you still know and it took me some time to feel comfortable enough around you to talk to you and then it took _you_ to make me understand what real, honest love is."

I tuned back to Dimitri, afraid to see disguise and anger in his eyes. To see that he just realized what an unworthy woman he had married and that it had been a mistake and that he wanted to have nothing to do with me or the baby. That's when the tears started flowing again, even though Dimitri had already shown me that he loved me it still frightened me that he might leave me, especially after hearing this story about my past.

"I'm sorry I haven't told you anything sooner, but I just couldn't. I was afraid that you would have thought I wasn't worthy of your love because I wasn't even strong enough to see that he had broken me and that I've let someone rape and beat me up and still stand by his side. I'll still understand if you just want to go and leave me because I'm unworthy of your love and your suppor-"

Before I could finish my ramblings, he crushed his lips against mine. One hand behind my back, pulling me closer to him, the other hand resting on my baby belly.

As we parted again he rested his head against my forehead. Looking me deep in the eyes, he started speaking for the first time after hearing about my past.

"Roza, don't you dare ever saying anything like that again. You are the most beautiful, strong and amazing woman I've ever met. I will always love you and never leave you, no matter what. I'm very sorry to hear that all of his happened to you, but don't you feel ashamed of yourself. Never. If anything this makes me love you more, because it shows just how strong and powerful you are to not just survive this, but even being able to trust again. This guy was a bastard and obviously not worthy of your love. He is lucky we haven't met, otherwise I would have taught him how to behave and made him feel the same pain he had put you through."

I giggled involuntarily. "So you don't think it was all a huge mistake to marry me and to have this child with me?"

He shook his head. "Don't be silly. How can this be a mistake when I have found the love of my life, my soulmate and we're about to create our own little family with this little miracle." His hand still stroking my baby bump he kissed me again, softly this time.

"How can I get so lucky, not only to have a baby, but to have an amazing husband who supports me with everything, even though he knows about my past…" I ramble more to myself than to him, but he still answers me anyway.

"Because _you are worth it_ , Roza." With that he kisses me again and we lay back down, entangled in each another and falling into a peaceful sleep.


End file.
